SEX, INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIP COACH
As a leading sex and relationship coach based in San Francisco, I’ve been successfully helping men, women and couples overcome intimacy issues and enjoy the best sex of their lives since 2010. I received a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology with a focus on marriage and family therapy from John F. Kennedy University. I’m a co-founder of BetterSexEd.org and Co-Creator of the innovative group workshop series, Sex as Meditation, which integrates mindfulness and sex.
I’m also a Certified Somatica Method Practitioner (a relational and experiential body-based therapy), Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Certified Queer Conscious Educator, trained in Hakomi Therapy (somatic and mindfulness-based method), and Recreation of the Self, a system for re-empowering our ability to live from an undivided state of selfhood in relationship with others. Since 2009, I’ve assisted world renowned psychotherapist, John Welwood in bridging the gap between the psychological and spiritual. I lead educational workshops on male sexual difficulties for therapists and coaches, and I’ve created engaging video series courses that help people overcome sexual dysfunction from the convenience of their own home.
Sexuality has always fascinated me. I was not raised in a home where my parents openly or comfortably discussed sex. Yet, for some reason, for as long as I can remember, discussing sexuality and erotic pleasure had rolled off my tongue with ease.
I also grew up with a love for riding horses. This has given me two advantages in life: the ability to understand the unspoken language of the body and the ability to use the body as a tool to communicate. This innate intelligence carries over into what I do today as sex therapist and relationship coach. Bridging my ease at discussing vulnerable topics and being able to read the body’s unspoken language.
Male sexual struggles have become my specialty, including premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and general sexual competency. I help men overcome physical issues, while guiding them to become better lovers and developing a more profound sense of self-awareness. I also help men work through the shame and sensitivity that accompany emotion-based sexual issues.
People often ask me why I got involved in specializing in male sexuality. I saw a need for men to feel understood and get practical help around sexual function and development. These topics are gravely misunderstood. There is little help in society for men struggling to overcome sexual challenges. But with the right support and information, men can surmount and heal physiological, psychological, and emotional sexual problems.
In my practice, I also guide women and couples to realize their full sexual potential. I help them discover and intensify their desires, deepen awareness of sensations, release old perceptions of self, and break through into exciting new ways of connecting.
I have come to understand that one of the deepest and most vulnerable experiences of being human is sharing ourselves fully with another – naked, defenseless, and open both physically and emotionally.
Being able to express our erotic energy and desires is to be fully alive. In my work as sex therapist, I have come to understand this as a deep truth of humanity, and I believe everyone can and deserves to experience this freedom.
It is my passion to help people find and expand pleasure in their worlds. In many ways, the world we live in is pleasure-starved. We are surrounded with so much in western society, yet at the same time very disconnected. We are fed a very limited view of what eroticism and sexuality can be. Untangling this mess and guiding people to what is real for them is my specialty.
I love to help people feel erotic confidence. To be with the energy of eros and enjoy their bodies fully. To build competency and expand into play. Sex is meant to be playful and fun!
It’s truly an honor to be invited into the intimate world of my clients’ lives. The courage it takes to look deeply inside is something to be celebrated. I do my best to help celebrate, encourage, and expand each persons’ capacity for real adult sexual and emotional relationships.
Once my clients heal their sexual blocks, they fully transform from head to toe. They walk, talk, and even look different. The relationships around them change, and their paradigms shift. Life looks different when you are connected erotically to your own body.
It’s truly an honor to do such powerful life-changing work. And I learn from my clients as much as they learn from me. My clients inspire me to become a better person -- to learn more, be more knowledgeable, openminded, and more present in my daily life.
Many people view sex as an organic, spur-of-the moment experience. I prefer to think of sex as a musical composition, and our bodies as the instruments for creating that special music.
Just like a flute or piano, your body requires constant practice and maintenance to perform at its best. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone and learning new techniques to better understand your inner music, and eventually make beautiful music with others. In short, having and sustaining a satisfying sex life isn’t just about one simple approach or technique.
I believe in using a holistic approach that combines talk therapy, body-based exercises, and mindful touch. From my experience with clients, traditional talk therapy on its own limits progress in the realm of sex, erotic energy, and desire. For true and lasting pleasure, you’ll need to use your entire body and open yourself to all the erotic possibilities of what it can feel and give.
During our sessions, I’ll be guiding you through the process of exploring your body, as well as your mind, to quickly uncover what’s holding you back from the passionate experiences you want.
We’ll work through the difficult struggles that arise when our bodies become out of tune. There are many variables that can cause us to disconnect from our bodies and our erotic energy: difficult relationships, societal and cultural expectations, unprocessed childhood wounds, and daily life stresses and distractions.
I’ll help you tackle these problems through a series of practical exercises and mindful techniques, thereby helping you shift the old patterns that hold you back from sexual fulfillment. Together, we’ll help you connect with your own sensuality, wisdom, confidence, creativity, playfulness, inspiration, and freedom.
In addition to my education and training, I draw on the wisdom of my mentors, major thinkers on relationships and sexuality, and my biggest teachers of all — my amazing clients.
Master in Counseling Psychology with a Focus in Marriage and Family Therapy and an Emphasis in Holistic Studies. John F. Kennedy University, 2013
Masters Thesis: Surrogate Partner Therapy
BA in Psychology. University of California, Irvine. 2008
Training & Continuing Education
Teacher’s Assistant: The Hakomi Character Map. Hakomi Institute of California, 2020
Gestalt: The Empty Chair Training. Gestalt Institute of San Francisco. 2020
Reclaiming Sensuality an Exploration Into the Erotic Blueprints. Korenna Reynard, PhD., 2020
Sessions with Esther Perel. Online community forum for therapist, coaches and educators. Esther Perel, 2016 – present
Re- Creation of The Self (R-CS) Advanced Training. Meta 2018-2019
The Healing Power of Unconditional Presence; Integrating Spiritual, Psychological and Embodiment Work. Ongoing Group; John Welwood, PhD., 2012 – 2019
Re- Creation of The Self Training. Hakomi Institute of California, 2018
Blueprint Breakthrough Course. Miss Jaiya. 2018
Embodied Love and Lovemaking: A Full-Spectrum Neurobiological-Gestalt (FSG)Training In Embodied Relational Sex Therapy. Stella Resnick, 2018
The Hakomi Character Map. Hakomi Institute of California, 2017
Teacher’s Assistant. Hakomi – Mindful Somatic Psychotherapy; California Institute of Integral Studies, 2017
Somatica Professional Couples Training. Somatica® Institute, 2016
Attending to Attachment; Mindfulness Based Approaches to Healing Adult Attachment. Hakomi Institute of California, 2016
Hakomi Professional Training. Hakomi Institute of California, 2014
Certified Somatica Practitioner. Somatica® Institute, 2013
Somatica Professional Training. Somatica® Institute, 2013
Certified Queer Conscious Educator. John F. Kennedy University, 2012
Certified Sexological Bodyworker. Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, 2010
As you can see, I rely on a variety of models to address the physical, psychological, sexual, and emotional needs of my clients. My strong commitment to continuing education and keeping an open mind to new therapeutic techniques gives me a wide array of skills to draw from when I’m working with a client.
I prefer to work with clients in whatever modality serves them best. Some of the most affective modalities are quit fringe. Therefore, I have chosen not to become a licensed psychotherapist by the BBS. The two main models I draw from are Hakomi Therapy and John Welwood:
John’s work is largely experiential, drawing on embodiment exercises that are aimed at cultivating embodied presence and awareness. In this subtle body approach to self-love, we will open up your body to the flow of love, along with letting go of the mental and emotional baggage blocking this flow.
Since 2012, I have had the honor and pleasure of assisting John Welwood in his ongoing meditation group, The Healing Power of Unconditional Presence. I was first fascinated with John’s work because of his very influential book on romantic love, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart. Winner of the prestigious Books for a Better Life Award, along with other honored authors, including Jimmy Carter, Deepak Chopra, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
In 2019, John passed away. Losing a beloved mentor impacted me on a deeper level than words can express. Feeling the loss has led me toward a deeper desire to understand John’s trainings and reach more deeply into myself. While part of my work with John is a personal journey, there is not part of his work that does not inform my sessions with a client.
The great challenge in our busy world is to stay connected with ourselves—with our bodily experiences, our living wisdom, our sensitivity and our depth. Through my training with John, I will help you address these challenges by developing greater in your body, speech and mind. The result is a better connection with yourself, your awareness, and your physical experiences in a fully embodied way.
John Welwood, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, an editor of The Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, and teacher whose innovative approach integrates psychological, meditative, and embodiment work. In the 1980’s, John Welwood emerged as a major figure in the field of psychology, publishing more than fifty articles and nine books on relationships, psychotherapy, consciousness, and personal change. His best-seller, Journey of the Heart was the first book to lay out the path of conscious relationships and is widely regarded as one of the most profound books on intimate relationships.
In my sex therapy sessions, I focus on John’s simple wisdom and incredibly rich view of what is truly possible in intimate relationships, how we get stuck, and how to make the changes that lead to fulfillment and meaning. John has deepened my understanding of the wounds of the heart, the needs and intricacies of intimate relationships and how to live with the ambiguities of the human life and psyche.
To learn more about John Welwood, please visit his website at: www.johnwelwood.com
I am trained in the methods of Hakomi Therapy techniques which are exceptionally effective tools for following sensations, feelings, and bodily tensions to the unconscious beliefs and attitudes that limit our responses and drive our behavior.
When applying these techniques to our sexuality, we can uncover core beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. As a result, we can unlock the places within us that have been previously unreachable, and allow for the freedom and openness that we need to have incredible sex lives.
Hakomi Therapy is a Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy method based on principles of Mindfulness, Nonviolence, Unity, Organicity and Mind-Body Integration. For the last 30 years, Hakomi has been leading the field in experiential, body-centered, somatic psychotherapy.
A few key assumptions of Hakomi Therapy is based on:
As we develop from infancy to childhood to adulthood, we organize our experiences by applying meaning to them, to the world, and to ourselves;
These organizational decisions come to operate as unconscious “core beliefs” about the world and our place in it which govern how we think, feel, develop, act, respond, and create;
These core beliefs limit our ability to function spontaneously and to live effectively through systematic, characterological habits which we originally created to avoid feeling a lack of safety, affection, attention, or approval; and
The purpose of therapy is to become fully human, alive, spontaneous, open-hearted and caring, with the ability to be equally effective acting in interdependence with the world or autonomously.
Under the Hakomi umbrella, I have participated in the training: Attending to Attachment; Mindfulness Based Approaches to Healing Adult Attachment and The Hakomi Character Map. I also am an assistant teacher for Intro to Hakomi at CIIS.
The framework of Hakomi translates into concrete clinical skills and thoughtfully designed interventions and experientials that will allow us to understand why you are blocked. With that understanding, we can help you attain the freedom and openness that is crucial for a passionate and fulfilling sex life.
Other modalities I draw from:
- Re- Creation of The Self, often referred to as R-CS was created by John Eisman. R-CS is both a map for people to understand and pursue their potential, and also a unique and highly effective approach to therapeutic change. R-CS is essentially a comprehensive map of the self. With clients, having this direct approach to being human can make tolerating the shame, disappointments and difficulties of being human more possible.
When we bring this model into the realm of sexuality, it helps people step more fully into their whole sexual selves and live from a more confident awareness of what they want and need.
- I’m a Certified Somatica® Practitioner. Somatica® emphasizes bringing the relationship directly into the room. Using these tools with couples when appropriate can help lovers who have been stuck for years move into desire. This specialized training in the subtleties of erotic connections and deep understanding of the differences between sex and intimacy can also help individuals.
Bringing the relationship directly into the room can help boost confidence and sexual expression, while getting to the root of your struggles in a practical way.
- While Miss Jaiya’s training was one of the most non-traditional trainings I have taken, I draw from the Blueprint Breakthrough Course often with clients. Jaiya’s sexual blueprint ideas is similar to the 5 Love Languages – but for sex. By learning what “type” you are, it’s easy to understand who you are are erotically, and in turn, become a better lover to others.