KR | Under The Covers Newsletter - March 2026

Welcome to Under The Covers, a monthly newsletter that aims to expand your sensual sphere with cultural recommendations.

Your body knows things your mind hasn’t learned yet. This month, we’re heading somewhere unexpected: not flashier moves or the next ten-step guide, but something quieter—and more radical. We’re going inward.

What happens when you stop performing and start feeling? When you stop narrating and start noticing? When you trust the one signal your body’s been trying to give you for years… let’s dive in.

1. In the Realm of Senses (1976, dir.  Nagisa Ōshima) — Film.

Let’s start here: this is not a comfortable film.

In the Realm of the Senses (1976), directed by Nagisa Ōshima, follows a former geisha and her lover who abandon ordinary life in pursuit of pure sensation. Based on a true story, it was banned in Japan and still disappears from distribution in some places.

What strikes me every time is how unperformative it is. There’s no audience—only sensation, presence, and obsession. No wondering how they look. No drifting thoughts. Just two people, radically present in their bodies.

Most of us will never take embodiment this far—and we shouldn’t need to. But the film points toward something: a reminder that full presence during sex isn’t just a nice idea. It’s a whole world.

2. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — Book.

If you’ve been in therapy in the last decade, you’ve heard of this book. A longtime bestseller, it’s become shorthand for body-based healing.

Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma psychiatrist, shows how unprocessed stress and trauma don’t just live in memory—they lodge in your body: jaw, shoulders, chest, how you tense when touched, how your mind drifts during sex.

It’s not just clinical insight. Van der Kolk vividly describes what it feels like to be cut off from your body and what changes when you return to it.

You don’t need trauma to benefit. Many of us wear armor around sensations. This book explains where that armor came from and what it costs to shed it.

3. “Stop Spectatoring: How to Stay Present During Sex” by Rachel Baker for Women’s Health Australia — Article.

Ever catch yourself watching yourself have sex—face, belly, sounds—while your body stays tense? That spectatoring habit, named by Masters and Johnson in the 1970s, remains a top, under-discussed barrier to pleasure.

Rachel Baker’s article cuts through the noise: why the mind does this, what it’s doing to your nervous system, and how to return to your body. Practical, clear, and surprisingly easy mindfulness tips you can try today.

4. Window of Tolerance (Dan Siegel) — Session.

A concept I return to with clients again and again is the Window of Tolerance, a term from neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel.

It’s the zone where your nervous system can handle experience without shutting down or going into overdrive. Too little activation and you numb out. Too much and you become overwhelmed.

Here’s the part people rarely talk about: good sex requires staying inside that window.

When someone checks out during intimacy—suddenly distant, disconnected, or numb—they’ve likely slipped outside it. That’s not a decision. It’s their nervous system protecting them.

The solution isn’t pushing through. It’s coming back. Slow your breathing. Notice the room. Feel something small and real in your body.

This is why a better sex life usually begins long before the bedroom. The more you understand your window, the more likely you are to stay present inside it.

5. Massive Attack ft. Elizabeth Fraser, “Teardrop” (1998) — Song.

Elizabeth Fraser’s opening voice is pure magic—hard to explain, easy to feel. The whole track is texture and pulse, pulling you right into the present. No rush. Just now.

I sometimes give it to clients who feel disconnected from their bodies. My only instruction: lie down, put the phone away, and let the sound do its thing.

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