Compliments: The Power of Compliments and how to give themJan 24, 2015
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain
Compliments: The Power of Compliments and how to give them
Complimenting someone else is one of my favorite things to do. If I see something I like about a person, I just say it right then and there. Even the people that have a hard time taking compliments love when someone notices something special about them! You can compliment people you just met for a first date or your partner of 30 years. It is never too early or too late to start showing your appreciation and gratitude for others.
With couples, I have noticed that they often hesitate to compliment one another. No offense ladies, but you are worse than the men. Most men rarely hear that they are sexy, look good, or smell nice. I have a theory that most women are so incredibly preoccupied with the way that they look that they are unable to look up and see who is right in front of them. Or some women say they didn’t know their partner needed the reassurance, “I thought he just knew I thought he was handsome.”
Even if we know our partner thinks we look, smell, taste good; it feels so good to hear it out loud. I am not recommending excessive praise or that compliments are the only positive interaction you can have with your partner. What I’m suggesting is that you should take the time to notice how lovely they look, and tell them. Or if you feel happy to be next them and excited that they are your partner, say it! In the hilarious Harvard Sailing Team spoof “Boys Will Be Girls,” they even joke about how women expect “endless and personalized compliment every five seconds on the second”….I am not suggesting this. Although, this does illustrate how socially, women expect and typically get more compliments than men.
I once worked with a client whose wife would share over and over again that she wanted him to be more vocal about how he felt about her, especially how she looked. In sessions that we did without her in the room, he would tell me he thinks she is so beautiful. We would even explore the last time he thought she looked incredible. He described, “she was getting dressed for our dinner with friends and put on this tight, red little dress. Her hair was perfect and she had on these big high heels shoes.... she looked really good!” Although he was noticing his desire for her he was struggling to get the compliment out of his mouth.
Many people who are dating also struggle with timing and how to compliment their date. Sometimes there is a fear that if you give a compliment you might come off as needy or desperate. I say NAY! If you are on a first date with someone and you like them, you are probably thinking that they are sexy and want to see them naked. Let your desire be there. Share with them that you think they look “beautiful” or “handsome.” Depending on how the energy is running in the new encounter, it might not be time to share that you want get them naked and lick them from head to toe, but you can definitely communicate how attracted you feel to this person.
If you struggle to notice what you like or find sexy about your partner, see if you can consciously take a few days to look for several things you enjoy. Then tell them.
Remember: most people have a hard time taking a compliment. If you say it, and it seems to roll right off, try not to make their rebuff of the compliment about you. Over time, your partner will get much better at hearing how amazing and sexy they are.
Some of my favorite compliments I have gotten:
- You look really nice today.
- You are really fun to hang out with.
- You have such a great ass.
- You have a great touch.
- I think you have great hair.
- I love your curves, they fit you.
- You are so fun to play with.
- I like the way you dress.
- You have beautiful eyes.
- Great insight!
As you can see from the list above, this is not rocket science. It is actually quite simple.
Also posted on BetterSexEd.org
Featured image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici via FreeDigitalPhotos
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