Want to Meet Someone? Look Up from Your Phone

What if I told you that you're missing out on life?

You're missing chances to meet "the one," or ones. You've already missed cool, interesting conversations with people and possibly life-changing experiences.

You might wonder how. "I subscribe to every mailing list and event app, and I read all my friends' posts. I'm not missing anything."

I am here, pleading, screaming, even crying: you are in fact missing out. You're missing the world that's happening right in front of your eyes. You're missing people to practice flirting with, first dates, one-night sex-capades, lovers, and maybe even your life partner.

When you look down at your phone to read about what's going on out there, you miss what's happening right here.

You're missing out on connection

You may have seen this viral video already. It's very apt:

When I go to my local coffee shop, the gym, the grocery store, everyone is on their phone. So often I can't find anyone to make eye contact with, let alone start a conversation, because we're all glued to our screens.

People don't even notice a beautiful. tall. blonde. who bleeds sexual energy and is standing right. next. to. them.

The only person whose attention I can usually get is the cashier (and often that's a really lovely exchange).

Open your eyes and look around

What if, when you walked down the street, you held your head up and looked around? Made eye contact with people, even smiled, and felt what it was like to connect?

You'd likely make an unexpected connection, and it might brighten your day. Notice how many people are attractive. Take a mental note of who you'd like to talk with.

Do the same at your coffee shop, at the grocery store, or standing in line anywhere. Let yourself be moved to talk to people who seem interesting and attractive, especially if you're single.

If you're single, you're probably on a dating app or two. That's great. But don't shut yourself off from your immediate world and let all your hopes ride on your profile. This is what Nikita calls your "air" game. You need a "ground" game, too.

The people you meet may not be the best match for you, but they might know someone who is.

Try this: the phone-in-pocket experiment

For one week, every time you're waiting somewhere (in line for coffee, at the gym, at the grocery store), keep your phone in your pocket the whole time.

While you wait:

1. Make eye contact with three people and smile.
2. Say one thing to one person. Keep it about something you're both experiencing: "Is it always this busy in here?" or "Have you tried that? I can never decide."
3. If they answer warmly, keep talking. If they've got earbuds in, look away, or give a short reply, smile and let it go. That's their no, and it's fine.

At the end of the week, notice how it felt. More awkward than you expected? Less? Did anyone surprise you?

Let intuition be your guide

This plug to get off your phone and be present will only work if:

1. You like people;
2. You still want more friends in your life;
3. You're open to enjoying and trying fun, cool new things;
4. You can see the benefit of getting off your phone, in which case you most likely already have.

If none of those apply to you, I'm not sure how to convince you that you're missing out on social and potentially intimate opportunities.

The truth is, we never know who we'll meet when we open our eyes. Today, at the grocery store, you just might meet an amazing friend, or the partner you'll spend the rest of your life with.

Say hello

Our lives are shaped by who we let ourselves connect with. So get off your phone, put it in your pocket, and open your eyes to what's happening right in front of you.

Want more of this? Everything I teach clients about desire, pleasure and talking about sex is in The Sex Class, at your own pace.