A Poem by Alden Nowlan About Human Connection

Some years ago, I met up with a dear friend for dinner on the East Coast. It had been a few years since we'd connected; he's a very busy person. That year, he'd been working on a PBS documentary about intimacy, traveling the world and interviewing the Dalai Lama.

Of course, I was curious. "What have you learned? What can you tell me? What are the best works you've come across?"

Of the many works he shared, one poem by Alden Nowlan has stayed with me.

It moves me every time I read it. A writer visiting a school is asked by a young woman to hold her, and his awkwardness gives way to something simpler and truer: the recognition that what all of us want, in the end, is to be held. I hope it moves you too.

"He Sits Down on the Floor of a School for the Retarded" by Alden Nowlan

Editor's note: The wording of this title is the poet's own, from the 1960s and 70s, and reflects the language of that time. It is offensive today; we've kept it only so you can find the poem.

Find the poem in Collected Poems of Alden Nowlan

Try this

This week, ask someone you love for a long hug. When they say yes, let it last longer than feels normal: ten slow breaths.

Notice what happens in your body when you stop rushing the goodbye.

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