PE Practice, Step 5: Breath and Whole-Body Awareness

For most men, sex happens in about three square inches. All the sensation, all the attention, all the pressure, right there in the penis.

No wonder it builds so fast. Step 5 is about giving it somewhere else to go.

What this step is

The last step is letting your arousal spread beyond your penis and through your whole body: down your legs, up your belly and chest, down your arms, up to your head.

I'll be honest: this one is more abstract than the others. It's a practice of attention and imagination, not a description of anatomy. What you're working with is your own felt sense of where pleasure lives. Many men find that when it feels spread out, it feels less urgent and easier to stay with.

Some men picture the sensation as a color, or as warm liquid slowly filling the body. Use whatever image works for you, or none at all.

Practice it outside of sex first

This is much easier to do during arousal if you've practiced relaxing outside of it.

Try 5 to 10 minutes of meditation a day. Move your attention slowly through your body, part by part, and let go of any tension you find: jaw, shoulders, belly, glutes, thighs. If you'd like guidance, I often recommend Tara Brach's meditations.

The breathwork exercise

This is the exercise I promised in Step 1. It helps you build a relaxed, open state in your body that you can return to before arousal. You won't need to do the whole thing every time; the point is learning what that state feels like.

Find a private place where you can lie down, or sit if lying isn't comfortable. Give yourself at least five minutes.

1. Breathe into your chest. A few slow breaths. Notice any tightness and let it soften on the exhale.

2. Breathe into your belly. Let it rise and fall. Tension is like a brick wall to sensation; see what loosens.

3. Breathe toward your pelvis and penis. No expectations about getting aroused. You're just bringing attention and connection there.

4. Sigh it out. On a few exhales, let a sound out. A real sigh, as loud as feels OK.

5. If you're new to breathwork, build it up. Breathe a little faster for a stretch, anywhere from 10 to 50 breaths. Then take one big breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, and one more in. Hold it, and squeeze every muscle in your body. Then let it all go at once.

6. Lie still. Notice what you feel, and where.

If you get dizzy or lightheaded at any point, stop and breathe normally.

Bringing it into arousal

During masturbation, once you're in your sweet spot, try this:

1. Notice the sensation in your penis.
2. On an exhale, imagine some of it moving down into your thighs.
3. Next breath, up into your belly and chest.
4. Then into your arms, your hands, your face.

Keep breathing slowly. Keep releasing your pelvic floor with the anal breath. See whether the pleasure feels different when it isn't all packed into one spot.

Common snags

"I don't feel anything moving." That's common, especially at first. Don't force it. Just notice whether any other part of your body feels more alive than it did. That counts.

"It feels silly." It might. Try it for a few sessions before you decide.

"I lose my arousal when I spread my attention." Come back to your penis for a bit, build again, then try spreading it more gently.

Talking with your partner

At this point, it really helps to bring your partner in, if you have one. Share what you've been struggling with, what you're afraid of, and that you're working on it. Some partners have quietly wondered whether it's about them.

You might say: "I've been practicing ways to last longer, and part of it is slowing down and breathing. Would you be willing to help me remember to breathe? And tell me if anything I try isn't working for you."

Their yes counts, and so does their no. Some partners like to learn alongside you; my course is something you can watch together.

Stress can make it harder to reach new skills with a partner, so expect this part to take longer than it did alone. It's always OK to have sex. Just try to make most of your sexual experiences part of the practice.

What to remember

• Keep breathing slowly and deeply during sex. That's still the most important thing.
• Celebrate small wins. Lasting one second longer is progress.
• Expecting full control right away is the most common mistake I see.
• Reading about this isn't the same as practicing it. Change comes from steady effort over time.

Don't give up on yourself.

Before you leave

You've reached the end of the five steps. Go back to whichever step feels shakiest and spend more time there. That's how this works: one step back, two forward.

If you want the whole practice guided, my PE Mastery video course is the full version of these five steps, with video for each.

Next: Practices you can start at home
Back to the guide: Premature Ejaculation: My Step-by-Step Coaching Approach

If finishing sooner than you want has become a worry, my PE Mastery video course takes you through the full practice, step by step and at your own pace.