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is it normal for a guy to release quickly

Is It Normal for a Guy to Release Quickly? Quick Ejaculation Solved

help sex sex therapist May 15, 2023

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation affect men of all ages, backgrounds, and experiences. It's not just a young man's problem, nor is it limited to novices. You’re probably already wondering, is it normal for a guy to release quickly? Early release is common, whether it’s considered normal depends on the situation.

In this article, I’ll explain why it happens and how you can cope. Why listen to me? I’m a San Francisco-based intimacy and relationship coach with a Master’s in Counseling Psychology. I specialize in male performance issues, diving deeper into the root causes of performance anxiety and PE. My in-depth Premature Ejaculation Course has helped countless men take back control of their sex lives.

Let’s get started!


Ejaculation Issues Unpacked

The male sexual experience is often oversimplified, especially in conversations that compare it to the ever-elusive female orgasm. Actually, men’s sexual processes, even early ejaculation, are more complex than most people think - especially men with their fair share of sexual experiences.

We’ll begin with the many premature ejaculation causes.


What is Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (in the medical community) means finishing within the first minute of sex, with no control over it. There’s no predefined time that a man should last, but typically, men express an ejaculation problem if they finish within the first 1-5 minutes. I have mostly stopped using the term premature ejaculation these days. I now use the term early ejaculation, because you are releasing earlier than you want to. (Again, most men who seek me out are unable to last longer than 5 minutes.)

Ejaculating involuntarily within the first minute is PE - beyond that isn't considered premature. Although, ejaculating faster than you want is not fun for anyone- if you regularly last longer than a minute, you technically do not have PE.

The scientific consensus is that 1 in 5 U.S. men between 18 and 59 experience early ejaculation at some point. So no, you’re not alone. A large number of my clients come to see me to talk about the symptoms of premature ejaculation, so I understand that it’s no picnic.

Interestingly, a 2002 study that combined data from 23 reports across 4 countries found that only 2% of men in this age range had experienced PE or ED. The fact that all frequent data reports higher and higher rates raises questions about the social, behavioral, and environmental causes of quick ejaculation.



The Different Types of Premature Ejaculation

Just like any medical issue, early ejaculation has many causes, severities, and treatment options.

Take headaches, for example. Having a headache once in a blue moon isn’t a reason for concern. Maybe you’re dehydrated or had a stressful day. Even once every few weeks isn’t that big of an inconvenience. On the other hand, if you get headaches every day for a week or two straight, it could be a precursor, indicating a bigger issue. Time to call the doctor.

So, let’s touch on the different types before we get into treating premature ejaculation.

Lifelong (Primary) Premature Ejaculation: This describes men who have always had this problem since their first sexual experience. Their intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) is typically less than 1 minute, and it’s a problem with every partner.

Acquired (Secondary) Premature Ejaculation: Acquired PE comes later in life, and IELT can vary.

Natural Variable Premature Ejaculation: Variable PE means you sometimes experience PE, and sometimes don’t. It’s inconsistent, random, and happens enough that it’s inconvenient. Note that this type is named “natural” because for PE to happen sometimes is natural! These men complain of experiencing early ejaculation, and actually have a normal or extended IELT.

Premature-Like Ejaculatory Dysfunction: This is when a man becomes preoccupied and overly stressed about his ejaculatory function, yet still lasts a “normal” amount of time.

Now that we’ve covered the types (and maybe one of these sounds familiar), let’s address the elephant in the room: what causes premature ejaculation?


Understanding the Causes of Premature Ejaculation

Regardless of what category you fit into, the following reasons for premature ejaculation could be the underlying culprit behind your distress.


Emotional Causes of Premature Ejaculation

As you read this list of premature ejaculation causes, try to think if any of these resonate with you or the onset of your PE.

  • Anxiety/Depression:
    Men with depression are more likely to experience quick ejaculation. Performance anxiety is linked with anxiety about how long you last which causes you to ejaculate faster, or not enjoy the experience at all.
  • Guilt/Stress:
    Underlying sexual guilt or shame can cause men to rush, meaning they subconsciously self-sabotage their IELT.
  • Low Confidence/Fear:
    Fear of inadequacy or concern over disappointing one's partner can all contribute to anxiety. This heightened emotional stress can disrupt the ability to control your arousal.
  • Past Sexual Repression:
    Believing that sex is wrong or sinful conditions us into a state of sexual shame. These negative emotions can lead to performance anxiety, making it difficult to maintain control over arousal.
  • Trauma/Relationship Issues:
    Past trauma and unhealthy relationship dynamics can cause stress in the bedroom. This leads to anxiety and mental distraction, making it harder to control yourself.
  • Overstimulation/Overexcitement:
    One of the causes of premature ejaculation among younger men is overexcitement. Sex is very exciting, especially when you’re new at it or are with a new partner. The heightened arousal and build-up of sexual tension can lead to early ejaculation.
  • Conditioning:
    Lastly, the ongoing experience of fast ejaculation, typically caused by masturbation, can turn it into a learned behavior. Luckily, this is something I help men unlearn all the time.


The Good News?

These emotional causes can all be worked on! You don’t have to live with PE.

Working with a relationship coach, intimacy coach, or sex therapist can help you overcome erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation caused by mental patterns or past trauma. Check out my course on PE - it’s helped men around the country connect with their bodies in the bedroom.



Medical Causes of Premature Ejaculation

Remember, I’m not a medical doctor, and this is by no means a diagnosis. These medical causes are based on research and my experience as a counselor. See a doctor to know for sure if any of these pertain to you.

  • Hormone Imbalance:
    Testosterone imbalances can affect penis performance. Quick ejaculation is also linked to endocrine disorders. Many of these illnesses can go undiagnosed for some time and lead to low oxytocin (which is found in lots of foods to cure premature ejaculation).
  • Neurotransmitter Levels:
    Serotonin plays a huge role in mood, sexual desire, and sexual performance. Serotonin levels, or a lack thereof, can either facilitate or inhibit erections.
  • Infection and Inflammation:
    Prostatitis is common in older men. Symptoms include frequent urination, pain in the genitals, and PE. Speaking of frequent urination, urinary tract infections can also cause PE.
  • Erectile Dysfunction (ED):
    PE and Erectile Dysfunction (ED) are highly related. If you have ED, you may rush the process to “finish in time,” and forget how to slow down. (Read my guide on the best drink for erectile dysfunction for some natural solutions).
  • Medication Side Effects:
    Many drugs, especially psychotropic drugs, have side effects that impact sexual performance and desire. This creates a frustrating double-edged sword. Anxiety and depression can cause PE. If you take medication to treat it, that can also exacerbate PE.
  • More Medical Causes of Premature Ejaculation:
    Between genetics, chronic illness, and nerve damage, it’s almost impossible to list all the potential causes of premature ejaculation. Talk with your doctor to learn more.


The Good News?

Despite these more serious causes, there’s totally still hope for you! I’ve helped countless men treat premature ejaculation, even when their health was the issue.

I'd love to help you, too.

Get in touch with me via my sessions for men page to learn more about your options. Sometimes, medication helps as a jumping off point to make sex more enjoyable while we work on the true solution to the problem. This way, you can get your confidence back in the bedroom in the meantime!


A Note for Partners: When a Guy Finishes Fast What Does It Mean?

If you or a partner are experiencing the symptoms of premature ejaculation and none of the above seemed to fit the bill, know that occasionally coming too fast is normal.

It’s possible that he’s so attracted to you that it’s hard to control himself. Maybe you have sex at nighttime, when he has less energy left to focus on it. Maybe he gets caught up in the moment because of the emotional connection you have. What’s important is not to put too much pressure on either of you, and try not to shame or blame him when it happens.

At the end of the day, so many factors can cause premature ejaculation and there's a very big difference between choosing to ejaculate quickly and ejaculating within the first minute of sex.

PE means a man is ejaculating within the first 60 seconds - even those who choose to bust early, wouldn't choose to bust that early.

So, compassion is critical here because early ejaculation is not a choice.

Men in this situation can feel so embarrassed that they shut down.
And when they shut down, they turn away from closeness.
And when they turn away from closeness, their partner can start to feel unloved or unappreciated.

Let's nip this in the bud.

Approach the situation with love and empathy - you can get through this together with the right intentions and emotions in place.



Reasons for Early Ejaculation Beyond PE

Non-medical reasons that could cause premature ejaculation:

These men feel anxious that they have an early ejaculation problem, yet they are actually normal.
Remember, PE happens within the first 60 seconds, ejaculation after that point is not considered medically premature.

It's Been a While:
If he hasn’t had sex in a long time, it’s likely that he’s excited and literally couldn’t control it. Try again later the same day and see if you notice a difference.

Intense, Consistent Pleasure:
If a man finishes quickly, it might be due to intense pleasure (which is the point of sex, right?). Slowing down during foreplay or oral can help him last longer, and make things more fun for you both.

Inexperience and quick ejaculation are definitely correlated. Practice makes perfect, right? With some guidance and communication, he can learn to last longer. So young lovers, give it some time and keep practicing!


Treatment for Premature Ejaculation

The internet is a jungle of information, good and bad. It’s hard to distinguish facts from sourceless information that’s been distorted and published without due diligence.

So first, I'd like to arm you against the false rumors before we jump into treatment techniques. Let’s begin the myth busting.


Commonly Shared Techniques That Don't Work

Start-Stop & Squeeze Technique:
It goes something like: have sex until you feel the urge to ejaculate, then stop and squeeze the tip of the penis until the urge stops.

The squeeze technique isn’t based on any evidence whatsoever. It’s not sustainable and can actually make things worse. It strengthens kegels, but it doesn’t teach the body anything else.

Changing Sexual Positions:
This one’s self-explanatory. Some people find it helpful, knowing what positions work for it to be helpful is important.

First of all, I don't recommend missionary for people learning to control orgasm. The plank-like position only tightens muscles, making everything tense. Try a position that’s as relaxed as possible, like on your side or back. This won’t treat PE, it can however be a useful trick to get more in touch with your body.

Control and Focus:
Who wants to focus on not coming the entire time you’re having sex? It will be more enjoyable for you both if you can be present and in the moment. Anything that takes you out of your body isn’t a good solution to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

Focus on Foreplay:
Foreplay allows you to relax and have fun, taking some of the pressure off of sex and making it less mechanical. That said, it can be very pleasurable and lead to early ejaculation, anyway.

It’s much more helpful to go one round, allow yourself to charge back up, and enter round 2 relaxed, confident, and in a better state of mind.

Use Thicker Condoms:
Obviously, if you can’t feel what’s going on, you won’t ejaculate quickly. You also probably won’t enjoy yourself very much.

I recommend this approach because it can help build confidence - not a long-term solution though. The same goes for numbing sprays - why get into the experience if you can't feel it?



How Do Mindset and Relaxation Affect Stamina in Bed?

Believe it or not, sexual confidence can boost sexual stamina and satisfaction. As I mentioned, anxiety, pressure, and negative thinking can lead to accidental PE.

Through cognitive-behavioral therapy and mindfulness techniques, men can take control over their performance anxiety and delay ejaculation. It’s all about being in touch with your body - and your partner’s body - during sex. I teach men strategies that uncover the root cause of premature ejaculation so they can last as long as they want to.



Antidepressants and Analgesics: Certain medications, like antidepressants, can delay ejaculation, but they’ve also been found to decrease libido.

Phosphodiesterase-5 Inhibitors: PDE5 inhibitors like Viagra and Cialis are common premature ejaculation treatments.

Topical Anesthetics: Numbing creams and ointments can desensitize the penis.

Mediations can seriously improve quality of life - they’ve even saved marriages.

However, relying on medicine to have sex isn’t a great feeling. I recommend finding and fixing the root of the problem with the hope of one day no longer needing the meds.

Disclaimer: Medicine should only be consumed as per the direction of a qualified doctor or physician. Self-medication can be harmful and may lead to unintended side effects. Always consult with a healthcare professional before starting or changing any medication regimen.


Counseling and Therapy

Psychological Counseling: Underlying psychological issues like stress, anxiety, and relationship problems can be addressed and fixed through counseling.

Sex Therapy: Engaging in sex therapy sessions for men where guidance and strategies for improving sexual performance are provided. We answer questions like “what causes premature ejaculation?” and more.

Couples Therapy: Therapy with both partners can help resolve the relationship issues that might be contributing to premature ejaculation.


Lifestyle Changes and Adjustments in Intimacy

  • Abstaining from Alcohol, Tobacco, and Drugs: Unhealthy substances keep your body from performing at its best.
  • Improving Communication: Open communication with your partner about sexual preferences and issues can open a healthy communication channel.
  • Relaxation Techniques: Relaxation techniques to reduce performance anxiety and improve focus during sex can help to delay ejaculation.
  • Regular Exercise: Staying healthy with regular exercise can also impact sexual performance positively.
  • Pelvic Muscle Strengthening and Health Maintenance: Kegels aren't just for women. They also help men strengthen their pelvic floor muscles, which play a role in urinary leakage and ejaculation.


Learn How to Last Longer in Bed with My Course

A Little Bit About Me & How I Can Help

I’m Keeley Rankin, MA.

Through my years as a counselor, I’ve developed a passion for helping men overcome their relationship-related issues. I help men uncover what causes premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and performance anxiety. I also help women learn how to love their bodies with total confidence for more enjoyable sex and more positive dating experiences. With couples, I help open their lines of communication again to connect on a deeper level. From overcoming infidelity to exploring new erotic desires, no problem is too big or small.

Location: San Francisco, California
Education: Masters in Counseling Psychology from John F. Kennedy University
Specializations: Premature ejaculation treatment, restoring sexual desire, healing sexual trauma
Courses: Premature Ejaculation Mastery video course


One-on-One Sex Coaching

In my one-on-one sex coaching, we’ll get to the root cause of your early ejaculation, whether it’s emotional or medical. In a safe and comfortable setting, I help men treat premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, insecurity, and more.

You'll learn how to:

  • Open up to your sexual desires, wants, and needs.
  • Overcome performance anxiety.
  • Connect more intimately with partners.
  • Control and enjoy your orgasms.
  • Uncover what's causing your non-physical ED.
  • Enjoy sex more thoroughly with medical ED.
  • Find confidence in your sexuality.


Couples Sessions

Everyone wants a sexual intimacy that’s fulfilling, exciting, and invigorating. After years together or after a stressful event, it can be hard to maintain or reignite that spark. Couple’s sex coaching teaches couples how to feel secure when communicating, building safe and solid foundations for connection. Work through erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation together, learn how to explore each other's bodies in new ways, and build a sex life that’s satisfying and fun for you both.

You'll learn how to:

  • Rekindle playfulness and erotic connection
  • Find a deeper emotional and sexual connection
  • Explore what's blocking your desire
  • Navigate non-monogamy
  • Recover from infidelity
  • Overcome ejaculation issues
  • Reconnect after having children
  • Explore new fantasies



Premature Ejaculation Control Mastery Course

Achieve the sex life you deserve with my 5-step system in the Premature Ejaculation course. We'll focus on treating premature ejaculation naturally using a combination of behavioral techniques and counseling. Once you've spotted the symptoms of premature ejaculation, we'll dive deeper to understand the root cause and follow the best course of treatment.

You'll learn how to:

  • Gain full control over your orgasms
  • Feel more pleasure throughout your body
  • Relax into sex without anxiety
  • Understand and relate to your body’s arousal
  • Connect deeper with your partner
  • Use proven methods to last longer without medications
  • Lessen the anxiety that sabotages your ejaculations
  • Boost your confidence and self-esteem in the bedroom

Learn how to cure PE permanently and gain confidence between the sheets!


So, Is It Normal for a Guy to Release Quickly?

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are more common than most people imagine. When it happens, everyone thinks they’re the only ones dealing with it...

...and that's simply not true!

Hopefully, this article helps you understand your own situation so you can get to the root cause and start enjoying your sex life again.

Check out my blog to learn more about PE, male performance issues, and how to have more gratifying sex.

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