Blog

Beauty and the Beast: A Dear Sugar Column I Love books & culture desire relationships Mar 19, 2019

The people who come to me often feel somehow unfit for love. Their bodies don't match what we've been told is attractive, and somewhere along the way they decided love was for other people.

Yet somewhere inside them is a part that badly wants a different answer.

That's why I keep coming back to De...

Continue Reading...
Erotic Graphic Novels: A Different Way to Explore Desire books & culture desire pleasure Feb 16, 2019

These days, so much attention goes to porn videos. But have you thought about erotic graphic novels?

My guess is no, because many folks haven't.

What I love about this kind of erotica is that you enjoy the turn-on with your eyes in a very different way than with a video. You're still looking at bo...

Continue Reading...
When You Want More Sex Than Your Partner communication couples desire Jun 28, 2017

"I want more sex than they do."

I hear this all the time. It's one of the most common reasons couples come to see me, and it's a conversation I have with plenty of my friends, too.

In sitting with many couples, I've noticed it's extremely rare for two people to want the same amount of sex across t...

Continue Reading...
How the Word 'Should' Is Killing Your Sex Life communication desire pleasure Aug 21, 2015

You should be like this. You should do that. If you want a healthy sex life, you should try this with your partner. There are "shoulds" in every direction you turn these days. People, other people you have never met, are telling you how you should act. In graduate school, I heard the phrase "shouldi...

Continue Reading...
Sexual Fantasies: Do You Have to Act Them Out? communication desire pleasure Jun 30, 2015

Fantasy and imagination are a natural part of being human, and many of us fantasize about sexual things. Maybe it's someone sweeping you off your feet (romance), meeting a sexy stranger and going right at it (no-strings-attached passion), or taking someone, or being taken, in a rough way (dominance)...

Continue Reading...
How to Keep Passion Alive in a Long-Term Relationship desire personal relationships Jan 25, 2015

Remember the beginning of your relationship, all those feelings of passion? You were lustful and excited about getting to know the other person. You stayed up all night talking, and a look or a slight touch turned you red hot inside. You felt alive, with more energy and happiness about the way your ...

Continue Reading...
Sexless Relationship? When You Start Feeling Like Roommates couples desire intimacy Dec 16, 2014

The term "sexless marriage" gets a lot of attention, but relationships are often "touchless" long before anyone calls them sexless.

When I first wrote this, I'd just watched the movie Le Week-End (2013), about a British couple who return to Paris after 30 years of marriage to re-create their honeym...

Continue Reading...
To Flirt or to Fuck? desire personal relationships Aug 27, 2014

On flirting, desire, and knowing what you want.

When I was asked to present at the event Master the F Word: Flirting, my first thought was, "What do I actually do when I flirt with someone?" The answer was simple: I imagine myself fucking them.

From this idea, I ran an exercise with the group. Par...

Continue Reading...
The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin: Why I Recommend It books & culture desire Mar 19, 2014

Did you know you have something called a "core erotic theme"?

Jack Morin wrote this insightful book for anyone who wants to understand themselves better sexually and dig into what turns them on, and why.

The Erotic Mind challenges a lot of accepted ideas about what makes for great sex. It explores...

Continue Reading...
1 2