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When a man comes to me about what happens in bed, he rarely starts with the mechanics. He starts with how it feels: the dread before, the replay after, the sense that sex has become an exam he keeps failing.

I've been doing this work for more than fifteen years. Sometimes these struggles point to p...

"Am I a sex addict?"

People ask me this more often than you'd think. Usually quietly, and usually with a lot of shame attached.

Sometimes the honest answer is: you have a high sex drive and someone made you feel bad about it. Sometimes the answer is: something has gotten out of your hands, and you...

You ask how they're doing. They say "fine." You ask again, a little more gently. They change the subject, or pick up their phone, or go quiet.

You want more closeness. And the more you push for it, the further away they seem to go.

If that's where you are, you're not alone. And there's good news: ...

This article has been updated and combined into a newer post.

Read the updated version: The Orgasm Trap: When Chasing Climax Gets in the Way

Sex classes have changed a lot. For a while there was a class in San Francisco called "Eating Pussy Like a Champion." And yes, they had a live demo.

That's one end of the spectrum. Most classes are nothing like that, and mine is at the other end entirely. If you're curious but nervous, here are str...

Most men who find me have already tried the internet. They've read the lists of home remedies, bought the spray, done the kegels, thought about baseball. And they're still finishing sooner than they want to.

So let's start somewhere else: with what you can actually practice, on your own, this week....

"We're seeing each other, but it's not serious." "I'm not into labels." "Let's keep it casual."

Sometimes those sentences are exactly true. Plenty of people genuinely prefer casual relationships, or a lot of time alone, and there's nothing wrong with that.

But sometimes they're cover. The person s...

Keeping sex alive is one of the hardest parts of a long-term relationship. It's also one of the most common struggles I hear about.

And yet some couples stay sexually connected for years. What have they figured out?

In my work with couples, I see the same things show up again and again in the ones...

A letter in a Guardian advice column has stayed with me for years. A 63-year-old man, married for 45 years, wrote that he still loved his wife but no longer felt sexually attracted to her. It had faded slowly. He noticed other women, felt guilty about it, and had never acted on it. He had tried erec...

A partner says, "I don't feel close to you." You hear the words and honestly don't know what they're asking for. Open up how? About what?

In my work, I often trace that moment back to something much older: the playground, the locker room, the dinner table where someone said "toughen up."

Not every...

I originally wrote this piece for xxTALK, a program that brought women together to talk about their bodies and pleasure. xxTALK is no longer online, so here are the ideas I most want you to have.

Picture hiking up a mountain. The trail feels good, you're climbing, and then near the top you start go...