Blog

In my practice, I talk with clients often about dating, especially online dating.

I've had the pleasure of seeing so many new relationships bud and people fall madly in love. I've also seen dating go all wrong. We never know when our person will show up, but how we put ourselves out there can make ...

Some poems you read. This one you feel in your hips.

Jewel Mathieson's "We Have Come to Be Danced" is a call to stop performing for other people and move the way your body actually wants to move. Not the polished, please-pick-me version of ourselves, but the wilder, more honest one underneath.

I c...

There's a moment, a few minutes in, where it feels really good and you're not yet worried. Then it tips. Pleasure keeps climbing, and so does the voice saying "careful, careful."

Step 4 is about living in that first moment longer.

What this step is

Your sweet spot is the range on your arousal sca...

This post is from April 2018. The Sex as Meditation workshops I co-led with H. R. are no longer running. Many of the same ideas about presence, pleasure and desire are part of The Sex Class.

An Introduction to Sex as Meditation: how to turn the erotic into a mindfulness practice.

One of the core b...

This article has been updated and combined into a newer post.

Read the updated version: Premature Ejaculation: Your Questions Answered

For most men, sex happens in about three square inches. All the sensation, all the attention, all the pressure, right there in the penis.

No wonder it builds so fast. Step 5 is about giving it somewhere else to go.

What this step is

The last step is letting your arousal spread beyond your penis a...

For a lot of us, sex doesn't "count" unless there's an orgasm. Both people have to finish, right?

It's so normal that it's become a habit. And like a lot of habits, it can quietly take over your bedroom.

I love orgasms. I'm not here to talk you out of them. But when the orgasm becomes the whole po...

What if I told you that you're missing out on life?

You're missing chances to meet "the one," or ones. You've already missed cool, interesting conversations with people and possibly life-changing experiences.

You might wonder how. "I subscribe to every mailing list and event app, and I read all my...

"I go from nothing to about to come. There's no in-between."

I hear some version of this from men all the time. It feels like a switch. It almost never is. There's an in-between; you just haven't learned to see it yet.

What this step is

Step 3 is learning your curves. You track two things on simp...

Next time you're close, notice your butt.

Most men who finish early are clenching: the anus, the pelvic floor, sometimes the thighs and belly too. They don't know they're doing it. And that squeeze is pushing them toward the finish line.

What this step is

I call this step the "anal breath." It's ...

Watch what your breath does the next time you get turned on. For most men I work with, it speeds up, goes shallow, or stops altogether, right as things get good.

That held breath is where Step 1 begins.

What this step is

Step 1 is slowing down and feeling your breath. It sounds too simple to matt...

It's over sooner than you wanted. Again. And before you've even caught your breath, the first word out of your mouth is "sorry."

If that moment is familiar, this page is for you. It's the hub for the way I coach men who finish sooner than they'd like: what's going on, why it happens, and the five p...