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You're having a lovely evening. Then your partner makes one comment, maybe about the dishes, maybe about your mother, and suddenly the person you adore feels like the enemy.
My late teacher and mentor, John Welwood, had a way of explaining that moment that changed how I see relationships. It's in a...
A partner says, "I don't feel close to you." You hear the words and honestly don't know what they're asking for. Open up how? About what?
In my work, I often trace that moment back to something much older: the playground, the locker room, the dinner table where someone said "toughen up."
Not every...
This post is from May 2020. BetterSexEd.org has since closed, and I now write here on my own blog. For my current work, start with The Sex Class or browse the latest posts on the blog.
Seven years ago, I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge when I picked up a call from one of my best friends, ...
It's happened to all of us at some point.
Day in, day out, you're living a nice, predictable life with all your ducks in a row. Then life throws you a curveball that changes everything, including your sex life.
In 2017, I fell off a horse and broke my leg. (Here are all the juicy, excruciating det...
When I hit the ground, I thought, "No, this is not happening."
In my years of riding, I have fallen off more horses than I can count.
I've been rolled on, stepped on, thrown into fences and trees, you name it.
Almost every situation you can imagine going wrong in horse riding, I have been through...
There's one question I want answered in the first session with every new client:
"What makes you difficult to be in a relationship with?"
It tells me a lot about how this person's relationships have been unfolding, and where we need to start.
How self-reflective are you?
This question gives me a...
For years, I got calls from men all over the world who felt doomed to finish too soon forever. Most had tried everything they could find: sprays, numbing creams, herbal remedies. None of it had given them what they wanted.
I had spent years developing a way of working with this in my sessions, and ...
"Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process."
~ C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed"You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it."
~ Elisabeth KĆ¼bler-Ross and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving
The book that found me
The words in Perfect Love, ...
So often, we need a little break. A break from work, our relationship, our family, or just from life.
Many of us can't (or don't want to) pack up and leave our lives. Yet we do need moments of retreat, release and rejuvenation.
See if, right now, you can sit quietly. Allow your body to settle, and...
Some years ago, I met up with a dear friend for dinner on the East Coast. It had been a few years since we'd connected; he's a very busy person. That year, he'd been working on a PBS documentary about intimacy, traveling the world and interviewing the Dalai Lama.
Of course, I was curious. "What hav...
Everyone has one: a body we walk around in every day. Our bodies can give us immense pleasure and joy, and they take us places, literally and metaphorically.
One of my favorite things to explore with clients is their relationship with their own body. And what I've noticed, both in my work and in le...
Remember the beginning of your relationship, all those feelings of passion? You were lustful and excited about getting to know the other person. You stayed up all night talking, and a look or a slight touch turned you red hot inside. You felt alive, with more energy and happiness about the way your ...
